Thursday, June 25, 2015

I love you more than I realized

How do you forgive yourself when you lose control of yourself?

When you hurt someone you love in inexplicable ways?

How am I supposed to fix it?

There's nothing I can do, she's scared of me. I'm probably meant to be alone.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Depression is a constant

Sometimes I like to think I'll be okay, I'll survive all of this inner turmoil.

Then most days I don't want to wake up, I don't want to be me.

I want to slit my wrists and fade away. Nobody will miss me, nobody will mourn.

At least that's what happens in my head. The reality of it all, I'm broken.

I'm I'll, no cure for mental diseases. There is no hope for me. Maybe a change of scenery will make everything brighter, or at least provide enough distraction to forget I hate my life.

I'm in love but this depression is a cancer that never gotta away.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Life Is Never Easy

Sometimes life just sucks.

Let's be honest here, the things I've been put through suck, and usually things don't get better.

But things have been looking up and I've been waiting for my next tragedy.

I fell in love, with the most wonderful woman in the world. She's completely insane and gives me such joy that I've never felt before.

Yet I've been finding out everything comes with a price. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, going to be homeless come June if things don't work out.

Our relationship will be put to the test, and I love her more than anything.

Either I move in with her and her family in the middle of nowhere or to another state.

I'm unsure of what my next move needs to be, but I do know that I have to be thinking of her and her happiness when I make my decision.

She carried my child for maybe a month maybe less before our child passed.

I love her and nothing will change that, but she's finding difficulty coming to a decision.

What are your guys thoughts? Any and all comments are appreciated.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Love Of My Life

I've spent too long being miserable and hating myself.
The minute I stopped that, I met her.

It hasn't been long, but I'm in love.

I know I'll marry her.

I tell her this everyday and  I just see a smile creep across her face.
She makes my pulse quicken, she is the drug in me.

I've never felt so fucking good before in my life.
I still have my bad days but I'm not going to lie to you and say they aren't terrible.
She is the greatest thing I've ever encountered in my life.

She is broken, like me. Instead of putting myself back together and wondering why I'm empty, I find her pieces go really well with my own.

One day she'll give me children, and I'll be the happiest person alive. I live for her, I live to make her smile, and I live because she keeps my heart beating with joy and laughter, instead of pain and anger.

I do not know if you'll read this, but I love you.

If you haven't told the person that means the most to your heart, the you should. Take a minute, call them, text them, skype them, write them a fucking letter.

I'm lucky to have met you while I'm still young.

Friday, January 30, 2015

The Worst Isn't Always The End

Somethings are the hardest to survive.

When you go to someone and explain that grandpa isn't coming back. Or that you don't know how to comfort a friend when they lose a loved one.

I've most my uncle, as you'd know as I've written about it before. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest.

A friend of mine lost her father, to ab very Long and drawn out battle with cancer. I cannot fathom the amount of pain and relief she is feeling within herself. If losing my uncle was like getting my heart ripped out of my chest, then what was she feeling?

Only way I can describe it is having something force it's hand into your chest and slowly tightening it's grip around your heart and then tugging it when it can't grip any tighter, and building up speed and momentum until it finally rips it out.

I feel the overwhelming sense of sorrow, pain, and confusion.

Thank you for reading, please leave your thoughts in the comment section.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

A Debate about abortion I had

There is no particular order, I tried to keep it in order but I am not positive that it did. Sorry about that.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

They Call Them Demons (lyrics)

Stick to your guns
Or so they say
The words that trail on and on
To motivate

They mean nothing to no one, well no one but you
Hands free complications
These are your problems but they have nothing to do with you

Put your gun to my head
Just as you have
Every morning
As I am mourning

The death of all hope
The death of all dreams
That consumed the heart
Of the child in me

You are afraid to do this
The deed that must be done

You are already surrounded
Outnumbered ten to one

Out manned, outgunned

I hear you shout, “Am I all alone, someone back me up!”